My Strange Addiction
by Rettastarkidklainer
Summary: Blaine Anderson begins cutting when he realises he's gay. Right through all of his ups and downs in life, he had self harm to bring him down to earth. Warning: contains self harm, swearing, violence and later, sex. Told from first person.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one.  
**A/N: I don't want to glorify self harm in any way in this fanfic. I've just attempted to describe it from a first person perspective to get you in the mindset of a person self harming. Having never harmed myself in this way before, I don't know how accurate this is so don't take it as fact. Be warned, some of the language is a bit harsh (if that's the correct word to use) but I felt it was necessary as the narrator is a 14 year old boy dealing with his sexuality and more.  
Disclaimer: much of this is not my intellectual property so please don't sue me... I'm kidding but seriously, I don't own Glee. :(**

_Dear diary,  
I_

Fuck it. I'm not writing in some stupid diary. I'm not a writer, never have been. Not that I can say I never will be, I'm only 14 after all. I just don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, at least a diary isn't judgemental. I need something to express my emotions. I'm so scared. I don't know what's happening, I've tried to suppress this part of me for years but now, could I really be, gay? All I know is father would kill me. Well, maybe not literally kill me, but I wouldn't put it past him to disown me, that is, after all, the Anderson way. I can't talk to coop, he's never home anyway. Strictly holidays, birthdays and emergencies he told me when he moved out 6 years ago.

Soccer practice was shit. There's this really good looking guy on the other team we had a practice match with and, I got distracted and we got slaughtered. I got hounded by the coach after, I don't even care, I'm only playing to keep mom and dad happy. I just need a shower to rinse the stench of this horrible day off of me. And then there's the other thing. I enjoy showers for heaps of reasons. That player was so cute. FUCK! What am I thinking? I can't think of another boy like that, it's not normal. Why does this have to be so difficult? I'm supposed to like girls. I like them fine, but not the way I like boys.

Okay, now I really need a shower, to relax. I walk in and close the bathroom door behind me. I spy dad's razor on the cabinet where it always is. I grab it and take it into the shower with me. It's not the first time I've thought about hurting myself, I always hear about people doing it to make them feel better or something. I've taken the razor with me before but never gone that far. Today is different though, I feel so bad about heaps of things, maybe it will help. I turn the shower on and strip my clothes off. The shower is scaldingly hot as it burns my skin red raw. I sit down and hold the razor over my wrist. I'm not sure if I can do this. On the other hand, I really need this. Eventually I make the decision to slice into my wrist, just a small cut, deep enough to draw blood. It feels, good. I watch as the blood trickles from the cut and mixes in with the water before disappearing down the drain. I make a few more small cuts. It stings a bit, but it's satisfying. It makes me feel in control. I don't get why people make such a fuss over it. It feels good. People just want to feel good. After 10 minutes I get out. I can still faintly see where the cuts were, still red but not bleeding anymore. I smile down at it, it's my little secret.

**Please review. I don't care if you love it or hate it, I want feed back! Please and thank you**.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two.  
I do this every time I shower. Mostly I cut my wrist, sometimes my thighs or shoulders. It feels so good. No one has even noticed the cuts, I can't tell anyone about this though, they won't understand and they'll make me stop. They can't make me stop. I need this.

Cooper's coming home this weekend. I think I can finally accept that I might be gay. I haven't told mom and dad though. I think I'll tell coop, if he takes it ok then maybe mom and dad will too? I hope so.

"Hey Coop?" I'm so nervous. I don't think I can do this. No. I have to. It's too late now.  
"Yeah Squirt?" Fucking hell, why squirt? He knows I hate it.  
"Can I talk to you?"  
"Sure Blainey. What's up doc?"  
" I'mgay." Crap. I doubt he heard that. I don't wanna say it again.  
"What was that?"  
"I'm gay." I whisper. I can feel the tears building up already.  
"Oh," he looks like he wants to say something more. "Cool, more ladies for me!" I'm sure he's just saying that to be nice.  
"Coop..."  
"No, I'm serious. I don't care if you're gay. It's part of who you are. You're my awesome little bro and I love you, no matter what." Oh thank god. I was scared over nothing.  
"Have you told mom and dad yet?"  
"I'm still living here aren't I?"  
"Hah yeah, fair point. You should do it soon though. Rip off the bandaid so to speak." He was right. The sooner I do it, the sooner I can stop stressing about it.

Sitting at the dinner table, I listen as Coop tells mom and dad about his new girlfriend. I give it a month. Cooper's sexual exploits never last for long. He gets bored with them and moves on.  
"See Blainey, this is what you need, a nice girl to keep you happy."  
"Or a boy." I mutter. Shit! That was out loud.  
"What was that son?" Thank god he didn't hear me.  
"Nothing dad." I'm safe, crisis averted.  
"Come on Blaine, tell me. You don't tell me enough about your life anymore." Ok maybe not so safe then.  
"I just said that maybe I could have a boyfriend instead." I can't look at him. I stare at my half eaten veal Parmesan.  
"Why on earth would you want a boyfriend?" I feel Cooper inhale sharply next to me. Well, here goes nothing.  
"Because dad, I'm gay."

**Reviews are like my own personal brand of heroin, please support my addiction.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three.

The next few minutes pass by in a blur. One moment I'm divulging my biggest  
secret to my parents, the next, I hit the ground after dad throws me from my  
seat. Another moment and he's on top of me, punching my head. I feel cooper  
pulling him off me. Then nothing.

When I wake up I'm in bed. Hospital? I look around. Nope, just my boring old  
bedroom, my head is pounding. I need some aspirin or something. I get up  
slowly, it takes a while to get to the door but- its fucking locked! I'm locked  
in my own bedroom! I look around and see my cell on the floor thankfully. I  
turn it on and see half a dozen messages from Cooper:

BLAINEY, MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND I'LL SNEAK YOU SOME FOOD

BLAINE, ARE YOU OK?

B, I'M SCARED FOR YOU

MOM AND DAD SAY YOU HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM TIL YOU'RE NORMAL.

SQUIRT, IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS. MESSAGE ME AS SOON AS YOU SEE THIS.

And most recently

IF I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU BY TOMORROW, IM ASSUMING YOU'RE DEAD OR IN A COMA  
AND CALLING THE POLICE.

That was sent 4 hours ago.

COOP, I write, CALM DOWN, I ONLY JUST WOKE UP. CAN YOU COME TALK TO ME SOMETIME  
SOON? I CAN'T GET OUT OF MY ROOM. I'M SO CONFUSED.

I sit on my bed, my head still throbbing and my nose is beginning to hurt. I  
touch it tenderly and OW FUCK! I think it's broken. Suddenly my phone buzzes.

THANK GOD B! I WAS SO WORRIED! MOM AND DAD ARE GOING OUT FOR DINNER TONIGHT,  
I'LL COME IN AND SEE YOU THEN. THEY'VE LOCKED YOU IN BUT I HAVE THE SPARE KEY.  
TRY AND SLEEP OR SOMETHING. TRY NOT TO MAKE ANY NOISE, I DON'T THINK DAD WOULD  
TAKE IT TOO WELL IF YOU DISTURBED HIM. IM GLAD YOU'RE OK KID. STAY STROMG.

Coop wakes me several hours later.

"Hey Blainey, oh shit!" Uh oh, the panic in his voice tells me  
something's wrong. Did he hear mom and dad come home?

"What!? What is it?"

"Your face. You're covered in blood and I think your nose is broken."

"Oh. You made it sound like something was actually wrong."

"Not funny squirt. You go have a shower and I'll fix you some  
dinner." Shower. Yes! Now I can really feel better. I race off to the shower  
and lock the door. Once in the shower I perform my usual ritual. The stress  
relief is immediate. But it's still not enough. I cut deeper and feel better.  
The deeper I go, the more it hurts and the better it feels. I'm starting to feel a little funny. Light-headed.  
I think maybe...

**Hehe I'm evil aren't I? Don't stress, I'm tring to keep this as canon as I can manage and he doesn't even know Kurt yet. This is not the end for Blaine Anderson. Yet...**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four.

"Little bro, what were you doing in that shower that you were in there for an hour?" He'd woken me up, pounding on the door. Can't decide if I'm glad or not though.  
"Uh Coop, you don't want to know."  
"What do you- ah. Gross! I don't wanna think of my little brother doing that. It's perverted." Phew. I'd rather he think I'm perverted than to know the truth.  
"Haha, I should talk about it more often just to watch you squirm like that."  
"Please don't."  
"I was kidding. Besides, I never thought you were a prude. I'm sure you've done it before."  
"Yeah, but I don't talk about it to my kid brother. Please do the same."  
"Yes sir!" I salute him and he responds with an affectionate punch. I miss life being this simple. It's just not fair.

Cooper locked me back in my room 3 hours later. About 20 minutes after that mom and dad came home. I was back just in time. I hear someone playing with the lock on my door so I pretend to be asleep. They walk in and dump something on my floor. When they leave I open my eyes and see food. Hardly a sufficient meal though. It's a cheese sandwich and an apple.

I'm in my room for another three days letting my out only to use the bathroom. It's 8pm on a Sunday night and my dad unlocks my door and lets himself in. What the hell does he want? As long as he doesn't beat me I actually don't really care.  
"You're going back to school tomorrow. If anyone asks, you were sick last week. If they ask about your nose, you have no idea what they're talking about. There are two weeks left of the school year. You will graduate from middle school and next year you will go to Westerville High."  
"But dad, what about-"  
"I am not spending thousands on tuition to send a fag to private school."  
"Dad-"

"No! End of discussion, now go have a shower before school tomorrow." A shower? Good. I need a pick-me-up. I think I'll be a bit more careful this time though. What if I don't have Cooper to wake me up again? It could end badly. Besides, as much as life sucks right now, I'm looking forward to High School. I just have to survive the next two weeks. And the summer. Maybe I can stay with Coop. I'm sure my parents would be happy to get rid of me for a bit.

**Reviews? Please? Make me happy? This is all I have so far. Please bear with me, I'm getting closer to Sadie Hawkins and you know what that means. I hope. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five.

The last two weeks of the school passed pretty uneventfully. Well, not completely. I hated that I was popular. I got hounded with questions from teachers, students in every grade, even the janitorial staff, all about my broken nose and absence. Not wanting to piss off my dad further, I adhered to his guidelines and pretended my nose had always looked like that and that I'd merely been sick.

"Son," I've developed some sort of Pavlovian fear of my father, I flinch every time he talks to me. After composing myself, preparing for a fight, I respond.  
"Yeah dad."  
"I feel bad about how things have gone down over the last few months, I want us to bond over the summer. Which is why I bought you this car. I thought we could rebuild it together, then when you're sixteen you can keep it." A wave of relief and apprehension wash over me. I don't completely trust him but, he seems sincere.  
"Sure dad, sounds great."

He was sincere; we went through the entire summer break with no fights and no abuse. And no Cooper. I haven't heard from Coop since... I don't even know when the last time was. I've tried contacting him but no luck. Did he change his number and forget to tell me? Is he actually ashamed of me, even though he was really supportive when I told him? I asked Mom about it yesterday but she claimed ignorance. Even though things are better with dad, I don't want to bring it up. It's a bit of a sore subject for us. I don't want to ruin the good thing we have going here, no matter how fleeting it may be.

**A/N: I'm sorry for how short this chapter is, it felt like neccessary one. In the show, Blaine and Cooper had a rough relationship and I think this establishes the foundations of that. I feel like this is progressing slowly but next chapter is Sadie Hawkins and I think the pace will pick up from there. Please follow/favourite/review. Much love. xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So I'm sitting in my bed, 4:30am on a Thursday morning and, for some reason, sleep eludes me. So, because I love you so much (and inspiration struck) I decided to continue with my fanfic. And here it is, the chapter you've all been waiting for; the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Please don't kill me if it isn't accurate to you. There is so little of the event that is detailed in the show so it is really left up to the imagination so this is simply my interpretation. For all intents and purposes, let's just say its canon rather than debating the witherto's and the whyfores (LOTR anyone?). I hope you enjoy and please leave reviews of any sort.**

**Disclaimer: I keep forgetting to put a disclaimer before each chapter and I really don't want to have to do it because I'm lazy. This is a blanket disclaimer for the entire fanfic: I don't own Glee, Fox, Darren Criss or any associated companies or people. Okay? Okay.**

Chapter six.

Deep breaths. First day of High School. I don't know if I can do it. What if they don't accept me? What if- I'm just being stupid, how will they even know? Okay, I have to do this. I cross the threshold. So far, so good.

Fast forward a few weeks later and I've settled into the High School life. Westerville High is, a government school. And that's all the description it requires. All equipment is just two models too old. None of the teachers care quite enough about what they teach but it doesn't matter, because for the percentage of teachers that care, it's an even slighter majority of students who give a fuck about what they're doing.

Its imperfect, but I've grown to like it. I found my niche within the first week. Matt, Jess, Tanna and Nigel are my friends and I'm glad I have them. Especially Matt. He's a sophomore, and the only out gay guy at the school. As soon as I realised he was gay, I confided in him. He's like a mentor to me. Like a brother. I need a brother now, especially since it's been months since I've heard from Cooper. Screw him. He doesn't want a _fag _like me in his life? I don't need him. Not now that I have Matt.

I think half of the kids at my school know that I'm gay. They see how close I am with Matt (not sexually though, we cleared up any awkwardness already. We are so not each other's types). The best part is, they don't seem to care. Barely anyway. I get the occasional taunt from Neanderthal jocks but, compared to what I got from dad, this is the good life.

I don't cut as much anymore. I don't feel like I need to. I'm happy for once and cutting doesn't make a difference to my mood like it used to. I still do it sometimes though, just to take the edge off.

There's a Sadie Hawkins dance at my school this Saturday. Matt and I are going together, as friends. I'm looking forward to it. I've always wanted to attend a dance, ever since I saw Mean Girls, and now my wish is coming true, sort of. I'd like it better if I was going with a, significant other but it'll still be a blast.

We do the whole thing right. Mom dropped me around at Matt's at 6:30 so we could take photos together before heading to the dance. Matt's parents are really conservative Christians but are surprisingly supportive of his sexuality. They don't completely approve but they support him. We arrive at the dance and it's just as corny as I thought it would be. Even more so actually. Balloons and streamers basically cover every bare surface of the gym, it's tacky but it sets the mood of the night.

Matt and I spend the night dancing away with the others, its heaps of fun. It's a beautiful scene, all the girls dressed up to the nines and the guys resembling actual human beings. I notice as the music changes dramatically. Slow dance time, great. I look at my watch, it's 10:30, we've been here for three and a half hours and there's still an hour and a half left but I'm exhausted. "Hey Matt, I'm pretty tired, did you wanna-"  
"Go home? I was thinking the same thing," Oh thank god. It's been a good night but I'm ready for bed. "I'll call my dad. Do we want to wait in here or outside?"  
"Uh, outside I guess. Then we can see when your dad comes."

We walk outside, reminiscing about all the fun we had over the course of the night. "Oh look boys, it's the fag brigade." I turn around and see Zach, he's the quarterback and an absolute douche. He has about six of his other football cronies with him. "Come on Blaine, just ignore them, my dad will be here soon." Matt's voice reassured me. "How cute. The little fairies are gonna use their magic to pretend we aren't here. I'd say that's pretty rude, wouldn't you boys? I say they need to be punished." They've completely circled us. Matt and I are back to back, ready to fight but in reality, I'm shitting myself. One of the boys grabs me. I try to fight against hi but it's no use, he's too strong. Matt tries to stand up for me but the other six boys start shoving him around, slowly but with lots of force. I scream out to him but it's no use. He cops some punches to the stomach and head before he passes out. And then they round on me.

I'm thrown to the ground with such force I feel like all of my bones have shattered. The pain is so blinding that I can't even open my eyes, let alone defend myself. They continue to kick and punch me. I feel my nose break. I feel my ribs crack. I feel my lungs fill with blood. I hear my arm snap. I feel so much pain, but I feel another thing. I feel my consciousness slipping as they continue to attack me. I feel the relief when I finally pass out. I see a blinding white light. I see black.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven.

When I come to, I don't wanna open my eyes. I can feel the foreign object in my mouth and know it's a breathing tube. My entire body aches from the injuries I've sustained. I can hear the dull beeping of the monitor next to me, with every beep, reaffirming that I'm alive. So I'm hospital. What about Matt? How long have I been in hospital? Did they catch Zach and the others that did this to us? Do they even care?

I can't wait for the answers to these questions any longer, I open my eyes. And get an immediate head rush from the bright lights. Bad idea Blaine. I blink for a minute while my eyes adjust. I notice a lot of tubes in various colours and sizes issuing from various parts of my body. I can feel all the pain from my injuries but it's not until I see my arm in a cast and bandages across my chest that it completely hits me. It's like a truck hitting me, like my brain has suddenly caught up and made up for lost time. I moan with pain.

That's when I notice the nurse at the foot of my bed, she hears me moan and walks around to check on me. I can hear her talking soothingly but it has no effect, the pain is so intense, it dulls all of my other senses. She walks out of the room and comes back a few moments later with a doctor. "Blaine? Can you hear me? Do you know where you are? Don't try to talk, squeeze my hand if you understand me." I squeeze his hand with as much strength as I can muster. I look around the room. It's a private room, no other patients in sight. Where are my parents though? Probably getting some coffee, they'll be back soon. The doctor injects something into my IV line, I don't feel it coursing through my blood stream or anything, but I feel its effects. A few moments later I pass out from the drugs.

"Mom?" I feel stupid for saying it, but when I come to again, the only person I want is my mom. I look around the room but neither her or my dad is here still. The doctor is looking at my chart but he heard my plea.  
"Your mom is at work Blaine. How're you feeling?" Work? Of course she'd be working at a time like this.  
"Ow."  
"Yeah, I can imagine you'd be in a fair bit of pain with all of your injuries."  
"How long?" My speech is slurred but I think he understands me.  
"A month. It's November Blaine. You woke up yesterday but not for long. You're very lucky young man, we thought we'd lost you when you first came in."  
"Matt?"  
"Is that your friend? He was bought in at the same time as you. He just had some serious bruising and a mild concussion. You definitely copped the brunt of the attack." Good. As much pain as I'm in, I'm glad it's me and not Matt.  
"What about-"  
"No Blaine, no more questions. You sustained a lot of injuries, it's going to take a long time to recover, you'll need physical therapy but you'll still need to be in the hospital for another month before you can go home. You're lucky to be alive, but you need to sleep. All of this stress and questions isn't helping your body heal. Go to sleep now son." Sleep? I've been sleeping for a month, I don't want to sleep anymore. I want to go out and do to those bastards what they did to us. I want to see Matt. I need him to know that I'm okay.  
"Oh and Blaine,"  
"Mmm?" Now what?  
"We're going to make an appointment for you to see a therapist. Something like this can cause a lot of psychological trauma later in life. We want to get to it now so it isn't an issue later in life. Also Blaine, we noticed some scars on your wrists. How long have you been self-harming?"  
"Since I realised I was gay. 'Bout a year."

I struggle to get the words out, but he nods and I know he's understood. I can't believe my secret is out. I don't want them to make me stop. I don't see how it's a bad thing. I wonder if that's why my parents aren't here. I've sullied the Anderson name, not only by being gay, but I was beaten up for being gay and cut myself. I'm so imperfect, they're ashamed that I'm their son. Before I can dwell on it too long, the doctor gives me another dose of morphine and I unwillingly succumb to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N so there is a few things I feel as though I need to address.  
1) Today is Glee day! Definitely the best day of my week, even though it's a school day.  
2) In light of recent episodes (Shooting Star and subsequent episodes yet to air) I need to clarify that fanfic will reach a point in the season 4 storyline where it will become AU because I've known from the beginning where this was headed so I can't stick to canon unless I randomly decide to change the entire thing but that's unlikely.  
3) I found out today, in the season finale, there will be a KLAINE PROPOSAL! I was literally crying when I found out. So for those who didn't already know, I'll save you the trouble of searching for spoilers. Basically Blaine is going to decide he wants to propose to Kurt. He goes to a jewellery store to get a ring, the assistant is a lesbian woman (played by Patty Duke) who is in a committed relationship of 25 years with a woman played by Meredith Baxter. The couple act as mentors for Blaine and Kurt.  
4) I've been confused about how the season was going to end considering there hasn't been regionals or prom etc. Turns out the season finale will be regionals and the school year will finish next year will prom, Nationals (?) and graduation.  
5) So this is a bit of a nothing chapter. There is nothing too crucial, just Blaine seeing a therapist. I almost could have skipped the chapter completely but I wanted to explain how Blaine ended up at Dalton and also how he took up boxing as an alternative as self harm. Also I'm going to rush through Blaine's first year at Dalton just so I get to the Klaine feels sooner.**

**Please review/follow/favourite. It would just make my day if you did. Enjoy. **

Chapter eight.

"So Blaine, how are we feeling today?" I see my therapist, Dr Hanson every day, and every day she starts with the same question. She doesn't want an actual answer, just a number on a one-to-ten scale.  
"I'd have to say a solid four today doc."  
"A four! That's a big improvement, you've been a three and a half for the last two weeks."  
"I know. I don't know what it is. Maybe because I'm getting this cast off of my arm tomorrow. Or I get to go home in two weeks if I keep my doctors happy."  
"Well you have a lot to be happy about. So why only a four?" I knew this question was coming. It's never enough to give a number, I have to justify my answer.  
"Well, I still haven't heard from my bastard brother in months, I'm still in a fair amount of pain and even though I get to go home, I'm on bed rest for another month except for coming here to see you or the physio. That and once I'm finally better, I have to go back to school and face the assholes that did this to me. I doubt I'll last a week before I'm back at hospital. And then, the fucking icing on the cake? I've missed so much school that I'm probably going to have to repeat freshman year."  
"But other than that you're all good?" This makes me chuckle. I get along with the lady, her charming demeanour makes it easy, it's like talking to your best friend. One thing I didn't mention to her though, is Matt. His parents sent him to military school while I was still comatose. Apart from hearing that he was ok and this little detail, I haven't heard from or of him since Sadie Hawkins. I probably never will again.

" I've been meaning to talk to you about school Blaine," now she has my attention. "I don't think you should go back to Westerville High. You aren't safe there. You mentioned that you had originally been enrolled at Dalton Academy?"  
"Yeah I was. But I came out and my parents decided they didn't want to spend that kind of money on me. I mean, we are not poor, upper middle class to say the least but, tuition is still steep."  
"I understand. But I have to tell you, I think Dalton would be the perfect school for you. They're very reputable, but they also have a zero-tolerance harassment policy. You'd be safe at Dalton."  
"It sounds amazing but I don't think my parents would ever send me there."  
"I thought so. Well, our appointment is over, will you send your mother in? I'll see if I can't talk some sense into her." She sent me out of the door with a reassuring wink.

Two days later I'm back in Dr Hanson's office. She talked to mom the other day and I'm officially enrolled at Dalton. I've missed so much of the year and will still miss more with recovery time, so I'm repeating freshman year. It's sort of embarrassing but I suppose it's not like I don't have a good reason. "So Blaine, when did you start self harming?"  
"I um- I started when I first realised I was gay I guess."  
"Okay and how frequently do you cut?"  
"Uh not regularly. Just when I'm having a bad day, it makes me feel better."  
"I'm not surprised," I give her my best puzzling look, "it's common for people with depression." Depression? i never thought of myself as depressed. "Self harming is like a form if stress relief. For some people at least. For others, cutting makes them feel in control of their pain, or like they're punishing themselves. Whatever reason people have, they generally think it's a good thing. But it's not Blaine, cutting can do you a lot of harm. If you aren't careful you could kill yourself."  
"Okay, so I get that this is bad, but it makes me feel better. What am I supposed to do?"  
"My suggestion. Have you ever considered boxing? The motion of punching something, even just a punching bag, can help release all of your pent up aggression and anxiety. Give it a try. Not only will it be great for the self harm problems but it will also help you defend yourself."  
"Is it really that easy to stop?"  
"Honestly? No. It probably won't be. Which is why, whenever you feel as though you need to cut, or even if you slip up and you cut, I want you to call me and I'll help talk you through the pain. It won't be easy but I'm always here to help you out."  
"Thanks. Really, thanks."


	9. Author's note (sorry to tease)

Hey Guys.

I feel horrible, I haven't updated in ages. I'm about 3/4 of the way through chapter 9 but am suffering a bit of a writer's block. I promise I will get it up as soon as I can.

In the meantime, TWITTER! follow me Retta_potterfan and tweet me and I promise to respond. Also, my friend StruckByDarren and I are trying to get #darrendownunder trending. Pretty please use the hash tag. We more or less aren't going to stop until we get a response from Darren. I'm going to be bringing this up with every new chapter so I'm sorry in advance if it annoys you.

Also, please check out my story "Of love, fire and other things" Its a Klaine prediction for 4x22.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

xxx


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N hey guys! Oh mon dieu! No, this is not a hologram or some cruel authors note like last time, I have ACTUALLY UPDATED! Shocking, I know. I feel really terrible for taking so long to update but I just hit a real hump with this one. I apologize in advance for the weird progressions in time that aren't well explained. I just need to get this chapter out of my system. hope hoping that it's my only problem chapter for the duration of this entire fic. I also apologise for the length, or rather lack thereof, of this chapter. The entire thing just feel sort of wrong for me (again, I REALLY needed to get this one out of my system). As a way of apologising, I have cookies *hands over cookies* and also a promise that, provided everything works to how I want it to, we will have the klaine first meeting within the next two chapters.**

**Please, pretty please, follow me on Twitter? Retta_potterfan and/or use the hash tag #darrendownunder**

**kthanks, I'm gonna let you read now. Darren Criss is hot and I own nothing you recognise.**

* * *

Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

Today, is my first day at Dalton Academy. I'm so nervous. Even though it's in Westerville, I decided to board. I'm suddenly regretting this decision, I don't wanna leave my mommy. I only slipped up twice after leaving hospital. Once I fell over and couldn't get up for two hours, I felt so crappy afterwards I just needed something, and I wasn't physically up to boxing. The other time I got into a fight with Dad and he told me I deserved to be bashed for being a fag. I cut after both but I spoke to Dr Hanson after and she told me she was of me proud for doing as well as I have been. It feels kind of warped but it's reassuring.

I walk through the front gates with my two bags and start looking around for someone. Anyone. I'd love to see a familiar face. But none. I don't see anyone I know or even recognise. I can see other boys, clearly freshman, saying tearful goodbyes to parents before they embark into boarding school. I should be so lucky. Mom dropped me off this morning without so much as a goodbye. I didn't even see Dad. I look to see if there's anyone in my boat, I secretly hope there is so at least I'm not alone in this. Spotted. I see a short, friendly looking guy standing by himself looking like I'm sure I do. I walk up so him and introduce myself. "Hi, I'm Blaine."  
"Trent." The poor boy was so nervous.  
"So are you on the same boat as me?"  
"I'm-I'm sorry?"  
"Your parents don't care enough to make sure you get settled in?"  
"Wow man! That's tough. No, my mom couldn't get out of her shift at the hospital an my dad's in Afghanistan."  
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"  
"No it's cool. You've got it bad and you want someone like you to sympathise. Don't stress. - JEFF!" He's calling out to a blonde boy he clearly knows, great. My one potential friend already has friends. Whatever, I don't need any fucking friends who will just ditch me when they find out I'm gay. God I really need to do some boxing, I don't think I can last the day without it - or something worse. I'm distracted from my thoughts when Trent pulls me along with him to meet Jeff.

Within a week I've actually made a decent group of friends, Trent, Jeff and Nick. They've convinced me that we're all gonna join the warblers. I think that's what they're called. It's like an A Capella show choir. I dunno. I mean, I like singing, sure but show choir? I don't know if that's my scene. I suppose it can't hurt to audition.

I GOT IN! I GOT IN! I actually never thought if be so excited but they loved me. I sang 'Part of your World' from the Little Mermaid and played guitar with it. I never thought I was any good but they really enjoyed it! They take this show choir stuff really seriously, we even compete against other show choirs. We have a sectional in two months against a team from Akron who are like 5 time national champs! Yikes! I mean, the warblers are good but, competing against national champs seems like a big task.

And we lost. I can't believe we fucking lost! We were so good but Vocal Adrenaline (the team from Akron) were really good. And their lead soloist is so hot! I'm just so angry. My roommate, Jeff, is back home for the weekend. I run into the bathroom and lock myself inside. I grab the razor from its little hidey hole. It's the first time I've cut in months, I feel bad and all but I don't dwell on that for long, it brings me immediate relief.

Shit. Why the hell did I do this? The power of hindsight is amazing. I'm such am idiot. I can't believe I let myself fall down that path again, especially since I'd been doing so well.

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**reviews/follows/favorites are love? Seriously, I can't tell you how happy it makes me when I see that I got any type of response to anything I've written. It's a great feeling. :) until next time... Also, one last thing, GLEE RETURNS AUGUST 29! THAT IS SO MUCH EARLIER THAN I EXPECTED, BUT THEN AGAIN, MR RYAN MURPHY DOES OWE ME FOR THE WAY HE ENDED THAT SEASON! SO MUCH ANGST!**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey guys. No this is not a trick of the light and you are not taking some seriously good hallucinogens (at least not as far as I'm concerned) this is an actual story update! I'm ever so sorry that have taken me so long to get this up here. It wasn't for lack of trying whatsoever, I'm just very busy and often don't feel as though I have the time to commit to this as I would like to. It's frustrating for me. But I'm in Year 11 at school and half of the course load I'm doing is Year 12 classes so I do have to prioritise sometimes. Anyway, there's a hint of foreshadowing in this chapter (if you don't know what foreshadowing is, ask Hermione Granger). There is also a song that Blaine sings that is sung by Kurt in the episode 'Grilled Cheesus' I had him singing it at roughly the same time to create a nice parallel between the two characters.**

**DARREN CRISS LISTEN UP TOUR PHOTOS? How hot are they?! I'm sad that I couldn't actually go to the concert (seeing as I live in Australia) but the arm porn is more than making up for it.**

**Twitter: retta_potterfan or StruckByDarren or #darren**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise. Including, but not limited to, glee, the Beatles, Billy Joel or Katy perry. I should probably include Darren there but I'm in denial as to my ownership (or lack thereof) in that situation.**

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It's finally here. First day of sophomore year. It's been a long time coming. My summer was great. I got a job performing at Six Flags with some of the other Warblers and spent a lot of time with them. I also met this really great guy called Jeremiah. He's so dreamy and his hair is so luscious. We've gone out for coffee a few times and i definitely think there's potential for something there. I was barely at home the whole time. I really feel at home at Dalton now, not anything like the scared new kid I was 12 months ago. I walk through the front gates and I instantly know most of the guys there. It's a great feeling, I don't feel nearly as alone as I did this time last year. Even though I'm by myself again, I'm not alone. Best thing is, because of the odd number of boys in my grade, I have a double dorm, all to myself.

A few weeks into the semester and the Warblers are back into the full swing of things. Our new council, Wes, Thad and David have just gotten our competition for sectionals. We're up against the Hipsters who're some old people that take night classes and the New Directions from McKinley in Lima. We really don't even care about the hipsters because, they might get sympathy but really, how much of a threat are a bunch of old people with arthritis and cataracts? The New Directions however, they're another story. Their lead soloist is incredibly talented and they made it to regionals last year but were beaten by Vocal Adrenaline. They're and odd bunch but they work really well together. They really know how to utilise their strengths. Wes banged the meeting into order with his gavel. "Warblers. As you all know, our biggest threat at sectionals this year is the New Directions. Our former lead soloist, Warbler James, graduated last year so we're looking to fill the position. We will hold auditions this time next week so raise your hand if you'd like to audition and Warbler David will take your name." I raise my hand as well as a handful of others, including Jeff and Nick. Wes dismissed the meeting moments later and I went straight to my dorm to find the perfect audition song.

"Uh hi. My name's Blaine Anderson and I'm gonna be singing 'I wanna hold your hand' by The Beatles."

_Oh yeah, I'll tell you something  
I think you'll understand  
When I say that something  
I want to hold your hand_

I want to hold your hand  
I want to hold your hand

Oh please say to me  
You'll let me be your man  
And please say to me  
You'll let me hold your hand

You'll let me hold your hand  
I want to hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy inside  
It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide

Yeah, you got that something  
I think you'll understand  
When I say that something  
I want to hold your hand

I want to hold your hand  
I want to hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy inside  
It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide

Yeah, you got that something  
I think you'll understand  
When I feel that something  
I want to hold your hand

I want to hold your hand  
I want to hold your hand  
I want to hold your hand

By the end of the song, I'm in tears. The warblers are all applauding and Trent comes up and envelops me in a hug.  
"That was very well done Warbler Blaine. Please wait outside with the other contenders and we'll get you once we've decided." I nod and walk out of the senior common room, wiping the last of the tears from my eyes.

After about two minutes of waiting, Thad comes out and tells us to come back in so they can declare the winner. I know it's gonna be Jeff, he was amazing singing an acoustic version of 'Uptown Girl.' There's no way I or anyone could beat that. "Nick, Jeff, Jack, Aaron and Blaine. You all performed exceptionally well today. Unfortunately we can only choose one lead soloist. And that person is - in almost a complete landslide vote - Blaine Anderson."

I'm shocked. I feel my jaw drop as all of the Warblers cheer for me. They envelope me in a group hug and I feel the tears threatening to fall. Wes dismisses the meeting and I manage to make it to my dorm before I start crying. I'm just so happy. I want to tell someone my awesome news. I decide to call Cooper. I haven't heard from him since Easter but I'm sure he'd be happy for me. I listen to the phone ring about 20 times before reaching the voicemail. He's probably really busy, I'll try again later.

Two weeks have passed and we've been practising for my first official solo. We're doing Teenage Dream which is amazing because I LOVE Katy Perry. Wes decided we're going to do the performance today after last period. We're in the dining hall for breakfast when he stands on one of the tables to make an announcement. "Ok guys, listen up. Warblers performance in the Senior Commons after last period. We've got a new soloist we need to show off." There were a few cheers from the crowd before the boys all turn back to eating their breakfasts. I can feel myself blushing but I try to ignore it. I'm so fucking nervous, I don't think I'll be able to concentrate in class at all today.

I'm so nervous I don't even eat lunch. When the final bell rings at the end of last period, my nerves increase tenfold. There's the regular bustle amongst students but it's amplified by the excitement of the Warblers performance. I run down the large spiral staircase towards the Senior Common room when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn and see a stunning, slightly effeminate looking boy, around my age looking at me. He has the most gorgeous eyes, but I can't quite tell what colour they are. And his chestnut hair is perfectly coiffed. He's stunning. "Excuse me, um, hi. Can I ask you a question? I'm- I'm new here."

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Yay! They met! The rest of that episode will be in the next chapter. reviews make my day... I'm seriously crushing on Chris Colfer at the moment *sigh* I'm gonna watch some Chris interviews now so, until next time xxx


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